Leaning Forward
Peter And John Running, Eugène Burnand, 1898
I’ve changed my mind. In fact a lot of my life right now is sorting through the changes I’m going through. The changes in thinking are internal, but much of it is driven by the distressing things going on all around us. Sometimes I think the earth is shaking beneath our feet. We’re all reaching for the handrails, trying to find our balance. But how is it, as I begin this new year, I find myself full of new energy, leaning forward, in anticipation. How can it be when things seem so grim and dreadful? Well, I’m guessing it is a pretty complete readjustment, a kind of new conversion. I’m changing my mind about a lot of things. I actually believe a new sun is rising.
Perhaps we have dipped down far enough to have come to the alarming realization that we’ve got to start over on things or something will collapse. So many good minds are telling us we have lost faith in many of our institutions. We’ve tried the notion that politics will save us. We’ve tried leaning on the media, thinking we might find wisdom or guidance. We’ve imagined the government can solve every problem, that our leaders are either saviors or villains. We’ve trusted our medical establishment to bring ready healing. We have lauded science as the final answer, only to sense powerful political maneuvering. We thought we could rely on our universities and our schools to pursue what is true and good and beautiful.
And so, I come to this day of new beginning, a new year, with yearning. Something has to change. How do we begin to rebuild? Here’s what I am thinking. We’ve got to begin personally, at home so to speak, from the ground up. I suppose I could say I’m searching for a new attitude, less angry, less warped by fear, less polarized, less skeptical, but attitude seems too shallow for what’s going on for me. It feels deeper. It’s more like a whole new mindset, a new posture.
I’ve been trying to discard a whole raft of things that just don’t matter anymore. I’m trying to focus my energy on so many things that matter more than ever. Some of those new things are actually old things that have been sidelined or even discarded. I’m trying to understand what Jesus was saying out on the ancient beaches of the Lake Gennesaret to those scruffy, weary, fishermen, soon-to-be his followers: Put out into the deep waters, he encourages them, that’s where the real catch lies. In small practical ways, I’m pulling out of the way things are. I’m starting over. I’m trying to put out into the deep waters.
I ran into a painting the other day that struck me sharply. The painting comes from the early twentieth-century Swiss painter Eugène Burnand. It depicts two disciples of Jesus, Peter and John, rushing to the scene of the empty tomb. They are compelled to find out if the rumors, spread by the women in their circle, could possibly be true: Could the tomb really be empty? In the painting, you can see the questions on their faces, perhaps some skepticism, but not much, really. Mostly you see eager anticipation. There is no time to waste. They’ve got to know what’s going on. They’re leaning forward.
The story tells us that John, the younger of the two, arrives at the open tomb first. He goes in and finds the burial linens folded to the side. He notices them in some detail. Peter stands back for a moment, perhaps pondering, maybe a little afraid. Could it be possible that Jesus is alive? When Peter finally goes into the tomb, he too examines the linens, and then we learn: “He saw and believed.” Something utterly new blew their world apart. They changed their minds about everything.
This story gives me the new posture I am looking for on this first day of the year. It leans forward. I find myself leaning forward too. Could it be, this is precisely where we are today, leaning forward, rushing toward something fundamentally new, full of questions, to be sure, but mostly swept up in anticipation over what’s out ahead. The Christ child has come. The tomb is empty. A new sun is rising. The minds are churning, changing at their most fundamental levels, pondering deeply what is new.
Leaning forward. That’s where I am, watching a new sun rising.